Oh you wanted to come?

You pick up your phone as soon at rings on a Friday afternoon.
Eager to see which one of your friends messaged you.

"Useless broadcast message".
Frustrated you throw your phone back against your bed.

"How did I get here?" There's nothing to do on a Friday night, after a stressful week.

You go through your contacts, bored, and you start to realize something. "I chill with these people on a daily basis on weekdays at university, I should see what they're up to."

One by one they answer always starting with "sorry" they're all busy or have plans of their own. You see if any of your cousins are free and surprisingly you get the same answers.

You realize how all these people are mere acquaintances, you have no one to turn to. But you can't stay home. So you go to a local cafe and keep yourself entertained.

Looking back to the old days when you were part of a clique you remember the fun times you used to have, and wonder what happened.

The truth is you'll never have that somebody that spent all their time with you unless they have no one else. That's the way it is. Loneliness is inevitable, the people at university don't share your beliefs or likes and dislikes so it's difficult to befriend anyone like you used to.

Feeling alienated in your own country is nothing to be ashamed of, There are people that feel at home away from their native countries, things happen, and they happen quick. But with time you realize something, Giving up on your oldest friends because of stupid/small issues is not the "healthiest" of ideas. But it's too late now, advice usually comes to us later after we've messed up, the best thing to do is to move on and start fresh. 

No one will ever be that perfect puzzle piece that you look for so hard through the pile just to find in the end, that one piece that fits in perfectly and ends our frustration doesn't exist, People are not puzzle pieces they're far more complex than that.

But never give up on yourself, because sooner or later things will work out, even if it works out more or less, it'll still be enough for satisfaction. we all learn that with time because Patience is truly a virtue and in most cases we'll come to see that this whole time being patient was our problem. We should also learn how to deal with people and society, not to put all our eggs in one basket mainly. This way the next time we trip, they don't all fall and break.

So go out there my dear readers, talk to people and socialize to your heart's content, but keep in mind the cruel nature of people, and the fragile nature of yourselves, play it safe and steady until things are all Ok again.

God forbid one day we won't need people to feel good about ourselves. . .

- "Knowing how to be solitary is central to the art of loving. When we can be alone, we can be with others without using them as means of escape"

A Life Lived Wasted.

An inevitable day comes when we open our eyes.
We take our first breath, and the first thing we see is our mother’s face and florescent lights.
All of a sudden there’s all these lights and shades and colors and sounds, The only way we know how to react is by wailing and crying.
God only knows if out of fear or awe, I’d say it was fear for sure if only we knew at the time what was to follow this overwhelming moment.
In the blink of an eye we’re living the life.
Being fed on command, cleaned on command, and held on command. Anything we want is there and it’s available, we’re privileged beings. As if that wasn’t enough, we play, explore and discover all day long, sleep when we want and stay up as we like. The world is open to us and we just take and take and take. Like a little privileged sponge. Most are even lucky to be smothered in love and have the reward of awe, hugs, and kisses to every achievement, no matter how little, is accomplished. These are the best days of our life.
We soon find ourselves in a uniform, at the cost of time and achievements, life is now controlled by a schedule.
We leave home in the morning, get on a bus full of other confused beings, and are driven to a building.
At this building we are expected to imitate a larger being and do what we’re told. Rewards for success are handed down a lot less now, and so begins the endless routine.
For the first time ever we’re scolded at by one of these larger beings, either from home or at that building that we now know is called a “School”.
We’re still expected to imitate what the larger person does but now we also mostly do what is told.
The rewards are slowly disappearing they’ve been replaced by letters and sometimes numbers, the higher your number or letter is the better you were than everyone else.
We arrive home from this “School” and we go by the routine, except the work has now somehow followed us to our sanctuary. We’re denied the things we want, without reason, instead of being rewarded for good things we’re punished for the things that other people don’t like. Confusion starts to hit.
It feels like it’s been forever at this school, we finally understand this whole process, more or less, we’re taken into groups as easily as we’re kicked out from them, we feel attracted to other people, we love, we lose, we love again. We’re expected to do what everyone else is doing and act like everyone else is acting. We’re judged based on how similar we are to all the “Normal People” and to them we’re never similar enough, One day we’re outcasts and the next we’re surrounded by admirers, only to realize that we’ve become outcasts once again. We start comparing the Physical pain tied to injuries from playing and discovering to Emotional pain after we’re rejected, after we’re neglected, after we fail, after we make any mistake, a mistake everyone seems to be waiting so eagerly for.
We’re not confused anymore we begin to see the nightmare we’re beginning to walk into. No these are not the best days of our lives.
We’re soon free to make decisions again, We’re at even bigger institutions, all that we’ve learned till this day is that we’re supposed to be learning, but here we are still doing what the “bigger” person is asking us to do. Constantly we’re told that we’re being prepared for a this thing called “Life” but if you asked any of us at this point if we were ready, we wouldn’t even know if we weren’t. This being said they still think we’re capable of knowing flat out, what we wanted to “Learn” to do in the future.
The biggest rewards and punishments these days are those Numbers and Letters we were shown a while back but now they feel different, a low number or letter was just as painful as being scolded at, and a high letter or number was just as cheerful as a gold star on our paper.
Constant fear that these scores will decide your entire future are always in play.
We start to wish we could go back, “like woah, this train is moving to fast how do I get off??”
We’re no longer dependent beings, we now have a “Job” something we fought very hard for, It’s nothing like we always wanted but something has to pay the bills.
We have less and less time, throwing away our health to earn and save worthless paper, it’s valuable, but worthless nonetheless.
The numbers and letters are gone there is no reward and punishment anymore, instead you now either make more of that paper or you lose a lot of it. And our importance and status is decided on having earned a lot, saved a lot and spent a lot of this paper.
nothing really has changed the situations have been substituted but we’re used to the judgment and expectations of others.
Life is difficult now at the end of this seemingly endless journey.
we’re not as strong as we remember being, we’re not in control of our kids as much as we’d like to be, things still don’t go our way, but we feel as though we’ve accomplished something.
Maybe it’s not just an illusion as we thought it might be. Maybe we actually made a difference in this world, but then again maybe it was an illusion and we really didn’t do anything that special besides maybe working on the clock, raising kids, and working on the clock even longer. Let’s face it, we’ve lost this long board game, we put in everything we had, our lives,  and it’s just now we realize we’ve lost.
Here we are in a bed staring at those same florescent lights again, barley breathing. Our life flashes before our eyes. . . .
Back to every day except this one “The good old days”
when we were young and had all the time in the world and all the energy we could ever need, and soon after that to the teen years where we had less time but still a lot of energy, we soon became adults with no time and little energy, but here we are now with all the time once again and no energy to do anything about it. How could we be foolish enough to waste all this time alive but not have lived a single day of our lives. We wasted our health for money that we would spend on our health so that we could waste it even more. What did we contribute to our lives?

With a last breath we look back to that first day opening our eyes, we realize, we may have opened our eyes. . . . but not for a single day after that were we ever born, except for now. . . but it’s too late, and with that being said our eyes close shut.

Sia - Elastic Heart feat. Shia LaBeouf & Maddie Ziegler (Official Video)

One of the best Videos i've ever seen for a song.

wouldn't have been possible without The talent and Genius of Sia, Maddie Ziegler and Shia LaBeouf.

Hope - الأمل

Hope.
A sometimes distant beacon of light that’s out of reach, but we know it’s there. Having hope, most of the time means, having a reason, a somebody, that helps you carry on.

At times you feel hopeless, with the weight of the world on your shoulders, the pressure building up in your head, the despair filling your heart. You turn to the next best thing, Someone who cares about you. These people usually listen, and hold you, they cry when you cry and smile when you smile. Consider yourself lucky to have such a someone in your life Because those who don’t, what do they do?

They’re easily eaten alive by the darkness emitted by their lost hearts.
The worst feeling you could possibly have as a human being is the feeling of not having anything or anyone to turn to when everything goes wrong, That feeling of being lost is what drives people to depression and, at one point, recklessness.

Currently going through this feeling, I understand it’s not anger that contributes to the pain because I’m not angry at anyone, and it’s nobody's fault I’m going through what I am. However the feeling of despair is all I know. Slowly, We learn how to cope with this feeling. It’s not in our nature to stay in such a state without doing something about it, Pretending that it’s all going to be alright in the end is a possible solution for serious cases, but such a solution is delusional in nature and useless in the long run. What does that leave?

What is left exactly is to think thoroughly, because most of the time there is always hope, there is always a solution, Sometimes you just gotta dig deep and look in the right places, you’ll find something.

As for myself? I choose to let the darkness eat me alive, and drown in my sorrows, but I have not and I will not lose hope, no matter how small the reason, the chance, the opportunity, Because you gotta stand for you believe in and fight the pain, if you can do that, you might have just proven that your cause is worth it.

                          *********

V-XII-MMXIV Always here, Always waiting.

The Lover Inside

 

Beth takes notes as her English teacher babbles on about a critique form essay, concentrating on what is being explained, her hand slowly gains weight on the pencil. She feels lost in the barrage of words being thrown at her having just come back from a vacation.

Her trance is awoken by the snapping of the tip of her HB2 Pencil. “Shit.” she exclaims. As she’s startled.
she looks to her right and calls out to a familiar face. “Oii Pedro, do you have a sharpener I can borrow, Hombre.”  Jokingly in a Mexican accent.
Pedro Laughs and passes the Sharpener to Beth, whispering to her in a Hispanic charm.
Beth Smiles an remembers the first time she spoke to Pedro, after a few tries where she backed out, how could she forget, it was indeed a week ago.

Later in the Courtyard, Beth walks to chill with her new “Friends”, yes it was an ethnic/cultural cocktail. her group consisted of Pedro, Michael, and Anna.
Michael and Anna were from Germany and Russia respectively. Beth had her own way with every single one of them. Just like she addressed Pedro in a way that kept him amused and engaged in the conversation, she had that same technique with the rest of her friends and quickly became a people’s person; That one person that no matter how long you talk to they will make you feel better about yourself.

Months passed by and Beth truly believed that she had found the ticket to end all those past years of torment, By this point she had forgotten her horrible past, all she could wake up to was the thought of. “What am I going to do today.” The Beth she once knew was gone, she hadn’t painted in a month, hadn’t picked up her guitar in 2. She couldn't barley remember the last time she spent a weekend in with her family. Beth faded away slowly, a mirror arose in her place, taking what the people want and putting it all together.

One day Beth walks into her only class where she's with all  3 of her closest friends. As the session starts she tries to turn her head to anyone from her group. . . her head would not budge.
She tries to open her mouth and call out for Anna, maybe talk to her about the newest piece of gossip on campus. . . Her mouth would not open.
She tries to move in any way. . . Nothing. She’s paralyzed, Beth takes a better look at the board in front of her and realizes that it’s dripping a dark liquid. In seconds the whole room is black and she’s all alone except for a figure arising in front of her.

An exact copy of Beth is now standing in her face, dark seas fill the space of her eyes while the rest of her glows white.
She calls out for Beth. “Hello darling, where do you think you’re going”
Beth replies. “wh.. wha.. what do you want from me? Who are you!?”
The Entity replies “ I am Beth, the real Beth. you are nothing more than a fake copy, you lost the originality you were born with a long time ago. . . . but most importantly, you betrayed me”
Beth shakes with fear. “yes” Continues the entity “Your first true love, your most loyal, we suffered together in one another's arms, comforting each other down the road. . .but now it’s over”

“I must rid this world of you, for you are now a body with no purpose, Just a bag where people dumped their attractions, what good are you to yourself? ”

Beth’s eyes go blank, and she’s unavailable to her classroom. . . .

She gets up at the end, ignores every soul, and rushes home, works on rebuilding what was once herself.
"nothing like painting to some songs” Beth’s whispers with dark eyes flowing, the tortured screams of her corrupted self motivate her for the coming months of the Healing process.

 

Definitely one of my weirder short stories.
Inspired by a person who doesn’t know how great she is.
“If you don’t love yourself, how do you expect others to.”
I dedicate this to Zee.

LAU “Halloween” 2014

On The 31st of October 2011, LAU became a battleground for the students and/or members of the “8” and “14” coalitions. Rocks, tables, and chairs were thrown above the wall from both sides. 7 Students were injured, 3 of them taken to the ER.

This fight would later be known as the Infamous “Mashkal” that took place on Election day of the student council, scaring a good number of students from voting or even being present during elections in the following years.

3 years later, A series of events cause Tension between the same two sides. But all the people who witnessed the events, still doesn't know what happened on that day. I bring to you an Insider Explanation of that day in detail.

Upper gate, A well known Spot where Students of the Shiite sect Meet, Hang out, and gather Usually since they've grown in numbers several years back, is where LAU decides to hold a Halloween Party. Normally this wouldn’t be an Issue, but on the 6th Day of Ashouraa, when hundreds of Students are mourning the Death of one of the Most Important men in Islamic History, It was a Big Issue.

This is how more than 250 Students greeted LAU’s Halloween Party.


Days before Friday, the Coalition spoke with the Person Responsible for the Event in LAU’s Administration. And an agreement was Reached stating that “The music would be low volume for 5 min while a single dance would be performed.” Instead of the full hour of music and dancing .
Had LAU not reached an Agreement with Shiite population on campus, and Played music During the Sacred time of Ashouraa in a place known to always be full of people who commemorate this occasion, it would have been a Violation of a Code in Lebanese Law that Clearly States “The Disrespect, Violation, or attack of a Religious occasion is Punishable by Prosecution in Lebanese Court.” 

LAU’s answer to being Accused of these actions? “We didn't know it was Ashouraa” “What a Coincidence” “We'll be more careful next year” The same Empty answers they gave when they had a similar event Last Ashouraa that was also shut down.

After several Hours of sitting in for the Halloween party,
a new issue Arises. The “14 March” Coalition gathers about 50-100 people Outside upper gate to celebrate the Deceased Rafic Al-Hariri’s Birthday. After LAU prevented them from having music, they looked for Different ways to provoke the Demonstrators from the “8”  Coalition. Which including Singing, Shouting, Clapping, and Giving out White flowers. The Demonstrators showed great Patience, and Gave these Provocative actions little attention as they Marched down to Sage Hall to give space for the people passing in and out of the gate.


At the end of The march to Sage, It is decided on to Shout for a Prayer for the Prophet and His family after this Victory.

The 8 March Coalition walks down to sage Shouting their Praise, In victory.

At the end of the Day students were confused and didn't know what was happening, most people took pictures and Selfies. Few Understood what took place, But for us, We knew that on this day The Sons of Husain Ibn Ali (AS) Proved Victorious and up to the challenge whenever Their Rights were Violated.

A Group Picture with the Head Of Security at LAU, Shows from the beginning a Peace Protest is in mind. And there is no plan of violating the Rights of others.

“And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.”― Friedrich Nietzsche

LAU

Up in Flames.

She looked out her window, Past the iron bars, into the Storm. Desperately searching, as she would everyday.
She fails to spot what she seeks and scratches into her notepad the number “ 98 ’’.

She falls back on her bed and sighs out of frustration as her hair Fades, getting lighter and weaker as time passes her by.
she closes her eyes, only to see him. “Rovana” he screams.
She winces in pain as she remembers Connor’s Betrayal. Her first and only lover. Blinded by his love so bad she could hardly figure out he was the one who Aided her foes in Slaughtering her people. Her heart is torn in half as she remembers the Blood, the way she took the lives of an army in a swift rush of Anger. But she only sheds a tear remembering the way she ripped Connor’s Heart out with her burning claws and tossing it into the fiery depth of hell.

She screams in a low undertone, as she would every other day she remembered his face after that last blow.

Three Minutes into the Silence, she hears a whisper in the wind.
“Could it be” she ponders as she raises her head off the Tear soaked sheets.

“Rovana”. The voice more audible this time.

Rovana rushes to the window “No living being could make it past the defenses, my mind must be playing tricks on me.”

“This is no Trick my dear Rovana, I’ve Traveled long and far to find you”

Rovana hasn’t had any contact with any living being in months. She curiously opens small talk with the Stranger. “Who are you, how did you get here, what do you want?”

He finally appears to her as a dark and shadowy figure flying towards her window sill. “I, Mi Lady, am ShadowRein, the Count of Chaos and destruction. and I have come to free you.”

Rovana smiles. “What makes you so sure I want to be freed?”

ShadowRein smiles back “Well you did order your father and guards to lock you up on this Cold and stormy mountain. But why? because you slaughtered your people’s sworn enemies? I know you miss your power.”

Rovana Pouts “But I’m hideous in my final form.”

ShadowRein Smiles “On the Contrary, there’s nothing I’d rather see more than you in your Battle form again.”

Rovana is flattered But can’t help but wonder how this Creature knows her or knows any of this information, or how he got up here.
They talk for hours and hours at a time, and the more they talk the more Rovana feels safe and alive for the first time since she’s been locked away. She finally decides, it is ShadowRein who will mend her aching heart, re-invigorate her Dying Soul, fill her heart with the love she didn’t know she desired.

ShadowRein reveals he has been with her since she was a child, watching her, taking care of her, keeping her out of harms way until she was strong enough o defend herself. Always in the form of her shadow or a crow sometimes He would take the form of the stormy rain to sooth her nerves as she slept..

A few minutes before Sunrise ShadowRein Reveals his true form. “ Rovana, I am a shadow elemental, the last of my kind and I will release you at your command.”

Rovana being a Fire Elemental, the Servant of light, his exact Opposite, they were Ying and Yang, Neither of them cared.

She whispered “Release me, My dear ShadowRein.”

They kissed through the Iron Bars as ShadowRein brought the sky down and made the storm pass. The sun rose majestically a moment after and light warmed Rovana’s pale skin. she picked up her notepad and it quickly burst into flames at her burning hands.

She rises of the ground as the fire Engulfs her body and rips the Bars off the wall to be with her Beloved.

They fly down together, Hand in Hand, to the kingdom.

Right as she’s about to open the Palace doors she can feel her heart beat again pumping fiery blood into her veins. She hovers into the Palace with ShadowRein at her side and kneels at her Father’s throne bursting into tears of joy.

The king hugs his Daughter as the savor the emotional moment. Until the king sees ShadowRein.

“How dare you bring him here Rovana” he yells. The palace shakes of fear. “you should have finished him off the second you had the chance”

Rovana Pleads of her Father to leave him be. But it was inevitable.
She was persistent on her relationship with him.

The king after much discussion decides to Banish them both to the Wastelands. Disowning his only heir to the throne.

Rovana feels as though Boulders were dropped on her heart. she was crushed. ShadowRein looks at her with tears in his eyes and asks that she fulfills her fathers will.

The tension grows strong in the room and ShadowRein Breaks the silence. “ Rovana, I never loved you. . . . it was all a setup to bring you back to the Kingdom of fire and light, No one in his right mind would Love someone as violent and Hideous as you are.”

Rovana feels the weight of a thousand Mountains come crashing down on her head. “ ShadowRein, is this the truth? do you really feel this way?”

He Nods his head as he pushes her away.

The light hitting Rovana from the window Intensifies, as she rises higher off the ground, Her eyes glow with vigorous flames rushing at the sides. Her hair Turns a red as dark as blood and she goes into the Rage of Connor as a fire Storm Erupts from her heart. she levels the Palace around her destroying everything in her path, as the fire settles she looks around to see her Dead father, laying on the ground beside his guards.

Rovana Then makes her way towards the Dying ShadowRein. “Goodbye my love” she whispers in a wicked tone with a smile on her face as she Obliterates him in a shot of relentless flame.

as his Soul leaves his body he whispers back “You’re finally free my love, see you on the other side”

Years later Rovana looks to that same spot, while sitting on her Flaming throne her eyes filled with hatred and anger.

She then looks at her army and yells “The time of the flames has come my people, we attack at dawn”

******

A soldier prepares his only son for battle “Make your father proud my son, the time of the Bitter Queen has come”

What doesn’t kill you might just hunt you down.

She Ran with every last Breath her Intoxicated Lungs could carry.
Why would she run? she chose her own fate, was warned several times.
What sane person chooses to purchase Eternal torture, while fully aware of the consequences. She wanted to scream, hoping someone could hear her but she was all alone in this baron land. The black leaves and fruits of her checkered actions whipped past her like scorching bullets grazing her pale skin. The pain and sorrow fails to stop her, she’s adamant on getting away this time, But That’s exactly what IT wants her to feel. . .
IT walks steadily, with no worries, Letting her have a good dose of confidence. With every pace IT get’s stronger Savoring every bit of energy for when IT finally gets to lay ITs black claws on her. IT can hear Her rustling through ITs Endless Jungle, Entangled in ITs Embrace. There’s no escaping what you chose to fill you heart. It’s Inevitable and only time separates her from the Monstrosity she created.
Her Heart feels like it could stop any second. Her lungs Burn as if engulfed in the Hell of her Sins.
She stops. . .
It’s been dark for years and Running has proved to have the same outcome. She sits down on the ground, sinking an Inch deep in the ashes of her blazing soul. She gives up, no one is there for her, no one ever was. Not her Oblivious parents, Not her frustrated friends, none of her loved ones cared anymore.
She faces her fate, catches her breath, and Stands up facing her doom, Embracing the fact of her shaming loss.
IT phases out of the darkness and stands in front of her. ITs face centimeters from hers, IT’s body almost connecting with hers.
IT asks her: “Are you ready.”
She Replies with tears streaming down her face: “Lets get it over with.”
IT takes her face into ITs hands and Kisses her in a way no softer than than a boulder colliding with a mountain. She’s taken into ITs ecstasy. IT Lets her go and she’s Lit. There’s no going back after the first taste. IT backs away before pouncing on her Shredding what clothes she did have, all that was protecting her. Her skin Burns with every touch, her soul Blazes with every shove, and her brain goes numb as the time goes by. She Stares into ITs Empty and Ruthless eyes and knows she’s lost. IT Exhales it’s Final breath over her Skin, She feels the heat. IT looks at her In disgust, at ITs prey one last time before entering her, and disappearing. . . 

******

She opens her eyes, and can finally see. The sun is shining as she’s been walking down the street, to think 5 min ago she was arguing with her Mother. She smiles, taking in a Breath of the clean Summer air.
She coughs. . .
Looks down at her hand, and Realizes her cigarette is finished, She flicks it towards the street, and reaches for her Pocket to Light another. She thinks back at the Pleasure, and the excitement she’s been through and says to her self.

“Some things are just worth it.”

The Price of Love.

You never know what the next lesson is going to be. That's because you're not supposed to.  You have to go through a lot before figuring it out. At some point you look back at your life, you look back at the things you've done, and the choices you've made you either praise or curse yourself. But considering almost no one is a perfectionist you'll probably bag  on yourself. But mostly you wonder ... how on earth did my mind , body , and soul ever say yes to that? I caught myself thinking about it and I concluded that maybe the offer was very tempting. It appealed to my senses in a way I couldn't resist.  Perhaps its because I have never experienced anything like it before.  You see, growing up I managed to create a sustainable life for myself I was pretty guarded with high walls. But they came tumbling down as soon as I allowed that organ to beat ... he gave it life but it destroyed mine .

Another great post by an Author with a promising future in writing. a post from the heart Heart. Razan Kataya People, Remember the name.

Forever And Ever?

 

Forever. . .
What happens when you’re hooked on something that exists just as much as your reasoning skills do, at the time. We forget about Reality, or what could be, or what will be or what was, Completely blind to anything besides the present. Love is a truly phenomenal feeling, if you could call it a feeling.

How often have you seen or met different people with different ways they describe Love. The definitions are countless. Love has become a perception. A Non-existent, Bittersweet, Perception, ready to devour souls and occupy minds with endless redundant thoughts. It engraves itself deep in our psyche resulting in a people that will hurt, that could potentially break the norms and rules of society to defend this Non-existent Leech.

It is agreed on that the best thing in life is to love and be loved in return. To find joy and pleasure in Taking care of a person who finds an equal amount of pleasure and joy in taking care of you. Your perfect opposite, someone who has that piece of the puzzle you’re missing. Someone you could see becoming one person with. Someone ready to change you and be changed for the better.

But Everything has a price.
Love is an extreme word that usually doesn’t go smoothly with those who don’t understand it. The aftermath? Adultery, Mistrust, Lies, Divorces, and pure emotional pain.
If you’ve found the perfect person and you absolutely would still take a bullet for them after spending time with their best and their worst, then all that’s left is committing to this person. Passing through the hurdles life throws at you such as; Distance, trust, and having your differences etc. . .

Sometimes things go great and the sun shines everyday, other times you gotta admit when you’re beat and just let the feeling destroy you, instead of denying and trying to get it off your mind. In the end it will take you apart piece by piece until you go numb and can’t feel anymore.

Loving or being with someone is all about Back and Forth, Knowing when you’re outdone or beat, and Knowing when to talk and what to say and knowing when to share the silence and how. After all we do Adore those who ignore us, and Ignore those who adore us. The Human Nature is Peculiarly Demented .

“There’s Nothing more Interesting than a Person who Embraces Self-Demolition”

Solitude Is My Strength

Have you ever gone to a cafe, restaurant, or local pub, all alone with a book or laptop? just to go and have a good time with yourself? obviously most of the answers i got were no with a weird look. this is a cruel world where people are judgmental people are opinionated people are shallow most of my friends wouldn't be caught dead at a cafe alone reading or writing or listening to music. But why? whats wrong with that? A while ago i used to be insecure too, i would be afraid to be seen sitting alone, afraid of being called a loner or worse a loser that doesn't have friends. Sometimes i feel none of my “friends” will always be there for me they probably won’t.
But one day i was in English 102 and my teacher started talking about how she took herself out to lunch and dessert and then a book last weekend. I curiously asked her how she could do that, telling her id lose my mind if i didn't do anything all weekend, even if it was something i didn't like doing at least i wasn't alone, she replied in a way that changed me, this is more or less the exact convo :

Do you easily make a lot of friends? Are you that lovable person that people enjoy being around all the time? obviously my answer to both questions was a big fat No.
Do you know why?
no i don’t, i guess maybe i can be annoying sometimes?
no its because if you don’t like being around yourself how do you expect other people to?
i started to understand as she went on
if you can go out with yourself for a whole day, have a good time, not care about what people might say, then you've accomplished something people almost find impossible to do.


when you become your favorite person, you wont care about all those fake friends that you talk to here at the University who are gonna judge you anyway. i instantly knew she was right after that, as soon as class was over i took my laptop with me to Costa feeling paranoid that somewhere somebody was judging me, sat down, ordered a coffee and continued to work on a novel i'm working on for a satisfying 3 hours, it was the first step. There’s nothing wrong with being alone sometimes, if you’re that amazing person you claim to be then you should love it when you're alone, instead of fearing the very thought of loneliness and judging those around you.
It was major help to me and i hope it helps you to

Humanity +

Population.

Can you imagine how many people are being born this minute?
Thousands. . . . Hundreds are born every second, But its only potentially a problem because around thousands also die every minute. But think of it this way, according to statistics in a few years the population will stop at a balanced number of around 10 billion.
But the coming of that day also means the coming of the day we run out of many vital resources.
There already are active movements working towards the most upscale inhumane project I've ever seen. They go by the name Humanity + (or H+), Most dedicated members have a Tattoo similar to the following on the right shoulder usually. (H+)


Humanity + is a group of Trans humanists. Trans humanism is Trans humanism (abbreviated as H+ or h+) is an international cultural and intellectual movement with an eventual goal of fundamentally transforming the human condition by developing and making widely available technologies to greatly enhance human intellectual, physical, and psychological capacities.

In other words the believe in survival of the fittest. they plan on making so called (Super Humans) with extended memory, advanced intelligence, advanced strength, and prolonged life, and much more. All of this is achieved through scientific breakthroughs.
Lets say it happened soon, and all the rich people could afford the enhancements, what about the high percentage poor people of the world, what do you think would happen to them? the gap between the rich class and everything below will grow to more than just “I’m richer so I’m better” it will become a truth that the rich person is literally better. With all the enhancements the rich people will buy, the people who cannot afford it will become outdated and useless in a world of super beings.

Trans humanists have no problem with leaving the weak and unenhanced to die, after research from their point of view, the perfect population to live on earth with is 2 Billion. so killing the 5 billion to live a happy, peaceful, clean and satisfying life on earth doesn’t seem the least bit unethical to them.

But how would they kill so many people without a mass holocaust or Armageddon. Well no one is 100% sure but a few conspiracy theorists say that, Biological warfare is an actual daily thing. Like when suddenly a disease comes out of nowhere and kills hundreds of thousands of people. the theorists mentioned things like AIDS, Influenza, and most viruses.

For more info on Trans Humanism and what they’re about and how big they really are you can always search for videos and articles. don’t take my word for it.

Inspired by Dan Brown’s latest Book “Inferno”

This is not Fiction


- KSIBAI

Soul Food: Bully'seye

Soul Food: Bully'seye: 8 A.M:    "Another bloody day."   You walk towards the bus stop.  9 A.M: Sit behind the bus driver, and chuck loose change. . .

Read this post awhile ago. I don't know the author personally i just know shes really gifted, I've never read something with such a style. Absolutely Unique, give it a read if you have the time believe me its WORTH IT.

The C63 ////AMG Black Series

Beautiful Isn't She.

This my friends is the C 63 AMG Black Series. The now 8 cylinder 6.3L Monster, Born to kill. I know I made a post about a year ago about BMW but after driving both models I decided to go with Mercedes

The now V8 monster is the pride of C class, an absolute abomination, so uncontrollable that most Mercedes companies don’t allow test drives on it. After the new improvements it now produces a staggering 451 hp at 6,500 rpm. Rated higher than it’s rival the BMW M3, beating it in speed, power, and handling. The M3 almost matches it when it comes to drifting though, but 3 out of 4 is more than enough to put the AMG in first place. now being sold at about 62,000 USD in the USA price will differ for other countries considering tax and everything. The C63 does 0 to 60 mph in a mere 4.4 seconds but its not just your average racecar, it’s built to hold back all that power whenever you need to drive it around town as an everyday car. It includes special AMG features such as the Auxiliary Engine Cooler to keep it from overheating, 7 Speed AMG Transmission, optional Aluminum Paddle Shifters for that racecar feeling and easier shifting, AMG sport suspension to keep the ride as smooth as possible, Sport Exhaust for that monstrous sound which is a necessity to show that the bark is as tough as the bite, a High Performance AMG Braking System for a smooth slowing down and control, And one of the most important features of this AMG, the Electronic Stability Program which comes in 3 modes, ESP on, ESP off, And ESP Sport. You can imagine what those do, who of us has been in a Sports car and not played with the stability control ; ) .

A better View Of todays Beast. . .


And Last But not least the interior:



All the info is from the official website I do not intend to harm any copyrights nor am I a part of the Mercedes industry, I'm just a huge fan and thought of sharing my favorite car, to learn more about all the technology I didn’t mention you can go to Mbusa.com where all the info is available.

Was It The Barca Era? Or The Guardiola Era.

  So is it just me or did FCB really just lose 2 classicos and barley tie 1 they were unable to cope with Real Madrid's skill this year which is unusual but why? i remember when Barcelona used to win 5 - 0 with ease against Madrid. and then everybody was blabbing their mouths about the "Barcelona Era" its "Our Time" they would say but is it really? i think it was the effort of one skilled man that created all of FCB's success. . . no I'm not talking about Messi. it was none other than Pep Guardiola their famous manager that left the club in the hands of the assistant Tito Villanova. the assistant wasn't doing such a bad job and then he learns that he has cancer and leaves the club in the hands of the 2nd assistant being Roura.

i mean since when do Barcelona get beat down 1 - 3 in their own fortress the camp Nou?!!

but this isn't 100% about Barcelona missing their manager its also mostly about the skill, Tenacity, and Mastery of Real Madrid who deserved every the two triumphs.

I Started writing this post back then when they lost the classicos and never got to publish it. I chose to finish it now because there has been more proof that it was Guardiola who was the mastermind behind FCB's Success.

So FCB did win the "La Liga" title this year but i'm not sure how challenging that is because all they had to do was survive against or beat 4 teams in their league. i mean what challenge is their in Spanish football? Its nothing compared to the challenges of English Football or Italian football.

i mean just look at FCB when they played in Europe this year:

Goal

After Goal After Goal After Goal

This Pic Says it all

The Team was not potentially ready for change, and then change hit them hard after Guardiola left. This Just comes to show you that the manager is one of the most important parts when it comes to a team's form and tactics. Lets see if next season Neymar Jr. will be the cure to the hangover Barca are living in . .

Football New Kits - 13/14 Season

Chelsea Fc - Home

Away

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Manchester United - Home

No away yet

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Manchester City - Home

No Away yet

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Liverpool Fc - Home

Away

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Arsenal Fc - Home (maybe)

No away yet
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Real Madrid - Home 

No Away Yet

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FC Barcelona

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Atletico Madrid

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Valencia Fc - Home

Away

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Ac Milan

No Away Yet

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Staged Bombings In Boston Marathon

The bombing that took place in Boston a week ago are claimed to be Staged by the government to take away more of our rights. . . . . . . watch the video and decide for yourself, there is a hell of alot of proof in the video that is hard to dismiss and the video already has 2300000 views on Youtube.

Gamers Aftermath

How many of us play or used to play or at least know a game called Half Life 2, The famous sequel of Valve's First Person Shooter series? Well for the first time in the world most probably, A Team called "Gamers Aftermath", Founded by 3 First year Students that go to the Lebanese  American University who joined up 3 other students That share their ambitions, Built an Exact Replica of Half of The LAU campus map inside the game as a map that could be used in Death match Mod. Using the Valve Software Development Kit The team Replicated Part of the Campus exactly as it is in real life, in the game, and made a tournament on Campus in the computer lab. Over 50 attendees Signed up for the tournament to see for themselves if the map is as amazing as the team claims. After The tournament Students are demanding The whole campus be made available for another tournament of Counter strike (Another Famous FPS Game). The Team will Soon Make Major Changes that the students require on campus, things the administration of LAU doesn't see. If you Have any questions send them directly to the blog and i (as a team Member) will Answer anyone wishing to see our work. The teams Objectives are to make Game development in Lebanon as Serious as it is in the USA, with industries like Activision, Blizzard, and Steam, by starting workshops lead by professionals in Lau and other Universities. the prototype is available for download in the link below, and so is a Trailer that explains it all.

TRAILER : http://youtu.be/9rH3Bv7h4io

http://www.4shared.com/zip/0v5SO4tv/LAU_AfterMathbsp.html

BlackBerry. . . . Its Over.

Before i begin, how many people reading this own, or by now used to own a Blackberry Smartphone as i do right now? Those of you who used to probably regret it by now and those of you who still use the infamous RIM device, you will regret it later i promise you. .

i myself bought the blackberry 9900 (bold 4) on the 12th of December 2011. at first i was in love with the phone and would use it 24/7 and take care of it as if its value knew no limits. but recently my Blackberry turned into a nightmare, just as the previous owners commenting on the internet said it would. first it was the freezing up, and i was tolerant with it. then it started to show deficiencies in connectivity and the sim card and performance and i overlooked that too because i loved my device. . . but when it starts to shutdown on its own and eventually not turn back on again until its plugged into the wall i just cant manage with that. it does that because right after you've charged it fully for hours it give low battery and shuts off your connections while it stays on (if it doesn't turn off) until the full battery is really gone!

How long has it been since the last OS 7 blackberry came out? well guess what!? the "supreme" Blackberry 10 is out now about 2 years after OS 7, and the surprise is all OS 7 phones are not allowed to update to OS 10 :D why?? so you can buy a new device for an approximation of 999$ (US Dollars). yes guys its true this new phone and OS make the old 1 look like some prehistoric shit, and they worked out the bugs (they claim) so that way eventually you will HAVE TO buy the new Blackberry Congrats we've all been cheated :D when the OS 7 came out the users were promised to be able to Upgrade but Its Up our's because sooner or later your OS 7 device is gonna malfunction somehow as they all do.
your options? either keep on going with this bullshit Just for BBM and the brand name Blackberry or change to another Brand with better quality, somebody who wont lie to us when it comes to using their devices.

So people take my word for this i have tried a countless amount of Blackberries and have always felt like iv'e been cheated (after all the good times i had with it)
its a good device and everything but the quality of it is just not good enough to keep for a long time. so when you're out shopping for a cell phone don't make the same mistakes a whole lot of people in the world made. (yes a WHOLE LOT google the BB problem forums)

Ballon D'or, Surprise Surprise. . . . .

Ballon D'or 2012

The Candidates :
- Leo Messi
- Andres Iniesta
- Cristiano Ronaldo

The Winner: Leo Messi. . . . .  again and again and again and again what a surprise . . . but why??

a few worthless facts about scoring and assisting the most but since when is it all about quantity where did the quality go? but that was no surprise to anyone, it was obvious that the demented joke that is FIFA was gonna chose Messi again. 

Ronaldo should have won because 
- Wins La Liga with points record ..
- Wins the Spanish Super Cup against Barcelona ..
- Sends Portugal in the semi-finals ..
- Sends Real Madrid in the semifinals ..
- Best scorer of Euro 2012 ..
- first player to score in six consecutive clasicos
- scored against all teams that he faced ..
- Overcoming direct rival in two competitions; La Liga and Supercup

And finally his rival wins Ballon d'Or just because he scored more goals. One year ago Messi claimed that to win trophies is more important, while this year he changes everything and says its more important to score.

What a poser -.-

Okay so that was the Ballon D'or/ Complete Bullshit

Disgrace. . . makes me sick

and then you had the best Manager of 2012 and guess what? it wasn't a Champions League Winner or a Premier League winner or a Liga Winner, or a Scudetto Winner it was none other than Vincent Del Bosque for winning Euro 2012. the decision was fine as in OK but it wasn't the best, Whatever happened to Dimatteo, Mancicni, Morinhio and Fergueson and others or are they just a bunch of non-spanish panzees?

i let this one slide too

but that's not even half of what was wrong with last night when i saw the World best XI that's when i decided that FIFA is in love with Spain. .  this is what 2012's WORLD best XI (emphasize on "world"):

• Casillas
•  Alves
•  Pique
•  Ramos
•  Marcelo
•  Alonso
•  Xavi
•  Iniesta
•  Messi
•  Falcao
•  Ronaldo

This is not World Best XI its more like Liga BBVA best XI, NO Man City players (The EPL winners: world's best league), NO Chelsea players (Champions of Europe) and NO Juventus players (Unbeaten champions of Italy.

in Conclusion FIFA CAN SUCK IT!!! if you put Liga Best XI they could never dream of beating Premier League Best XI or Serie A Best XI or BundesLiga XI