Oh you wanted to come?

You pick up your phone as soon at rings on a Friday afternoon.
Eager to see which one of your friends messaged you.

"Useless broadcast message".
Frustrated you throw your phone back against your bed.

"How did I get here?" There's nothing to do on a Friday night, after a stressful week.

You go through your contacts, bored, and you start to realize something. "I chill with these people on a daily basis on weekdays at university, I should see what they're up to."

One by one they answer always starting with "sorry" they're all busy or have plans of their own. You see if any of your cousins are free and surprisingly you get the same answers.

You realize how all these people are mere acquaintances, you have no one to turn to. But you can't stay home. So you go to a local cafe and keep yourself entertained.

Looking back to the old days when you were part of a clique you remember the fun times you used to have, and wonder what happened.

The truth is you'll never have that somebody that spent all their time with you unless they have no one else. That's the way it is. Loneliness is inevitable, the people at university don't share your beliefs or likes and dislikes so it's difficult to befriend anyone like you used to.

Feeling alienated in your own country is nothing to be ashamed of, There are people that feel at home away from their native countries, things happen, and they happen quick. But with time you realize something, Giving up on your oldest friends because of stupid/small issues is not the "healthiest" of ideas. But it's too late now, advice usually comes to us later after we've messed up, the best thing to do is to move on and start fresh. 

No one will ever be that perfect puzzle piece that you look for so hard through the pile just to find in the end, that one piece that fits in perfectly and ends our frustration doesn't exist, People are not puzzle pieces they're far more complex than that.

But never give up on yourself, because sooner or later things will work out, even if it works out more or less, it'll still be enough for satisfaction. we all learn that with time because Patience is truly a virtue and in most cases we'll come to see that this whole time being patient was our problem. We should also learn how to deal with people and society, not to put all our eggs in one basket mainly. This way the next time we trip, they don't all fall and break.

So go out there my dear readers, talk to people and socialize to your heart's content, but keep in mind the cruel nature of people, and the fragile nature of yourselves, play it safe and steady until things are all Ok again.

God forbid one day we won't need people to feel good about ourselves. . .

- "Knowing how to be solitary is central to the art of loving. When we can be alone, we can be with others without using them as means of escape"

A Life Lived Wasted.

An inevitable day comes when we open our eyes.
We take our first breath, and the first thing we see is our mother’s face and florescent lights.
All of a sudden there’s all these lights and shades and colors and sounds, The only way we know how to react is by wailing and crying.
God only knows if out of fear or awe, I’d say it was fear for sure if only we knew at the time what was to follow this overwhelming moment.
In the blink of an eye we’re living the life.
Being fed on command, cleaned on command, and held on command. Anything we want is there and it’s available, we’re privileged beings. As if that wasn’t enough, we play, explore and discover all day long, sleep when we want and stay up as we like. The world is open to us and we just take and take and take. Like a little privileged sponge. Most are even lucky to be smothered in love and have the reward of awe, hugs, and kisses to every achievement, no matter how little, is accomplished. These are the best days of our life.
We soon find ourselves in a uniform, at the cost of time and achievements, life is now controlled by a schedule.
We leave home in the morning, get on a bus full of other confused beings, and are driven to a building.
At this building we are expected to imitate a larger being and do what we’re told. Rewards for success are handed down a lot less now, and so begins the endless routine.
For the first time ever we’re scolded at by one of these larger beings, either from home or at that building that we now know is called a “School”.
We’re still expected to imitate what the larger person does but now we also mostly do what is told.
The rewards are slowly disappearing they’ve been replaced by letters and sometimes numbers, the higher your number or letter is the better you were than everyone else.
We arrive home from this “School” and we go by the routine, except the work has now somehow followed us to our sanctuary. We’re denied the things we want, without reason, instead of being rewarded for good things we’re punished for the things that other people don’t like. Confusion starts to hit.
It feels like it’s been forever at this school, we finally understand this whole process, more or less, we’re taken into groups as easily as we’re kicked out from them, we feel attracted to other people, we love, we lose, we love again. We’re expected to do what everyone else is doing and act like everyone else is acting. We’re judged based on how similar we are to all the “Normal People” and to them we’re never similar enough, One day we’re outcasts and the next we’re surrounded by admirers, only to realize that we’ve become outcasts once again. We start comparing the Physical pain tied to injuries from playing and discovering to Emotional pain after we’re rejected, after we’re neglected, after we fail, after we make any mistake, a mistake everyone seems to be waiting so eagerly for.
We’re not confused anymore we begin to see the nightmare we’re beginning to walk into. No these are not the best days of our lives.
We’re soon free to make decisions again, We’re at even bigger institutions, all that we’ve learned till this day is that we’re supposed to be learning, but here we are still doing what the “bigger” person is asking us to do. Constantly we’re told that we’re being prepared for a this thing called “Life” but if you asked any of us at this point if we were ready, we wouldn’t even know if we weren’t. This being said they still think we’re capable of knowing flat out, what we wanted to “Learn” to do in the future.
The biggest rewards and punishments these days are those Numbers and Letters we were shown a while back but now they feel different, a low number or letter was just as painful as being scolded at, and a high letter or number was just as cheerful as a gold star on our paper.
Constant fear that these scores will decide your entire future are always in play.
We start to wish we could go back, “like woah, this train is moving to fast how do I get off??”
We’re no longer dependent beings, we now have a “Job” something we fought very hard for, It’s nothing like we always wanted but something has to pay the bills.
We have less and less time, throwing away our health to earn and save worthless paper, it’s valuable, but worthless nonetheless.
The numbers and letters are gone there is no reward and punishment anymore, instead you now either make more of that paper or you lose a lot of it. And our importance and status is decided on having earned a lot, saved a lot and spent a lot of this paper.
nothing really has changed the situations have been substituted but we’re used to the judgment and expectations of others.
Life is difficult now at the end of this seemingly endless journey.
we’re not as strong as we remember being, we’re not in control of our kids as much as we’d like to be, things still don’t go our way, but we feel as though we’ve accomplished something.
Maybe it’s not just an illusion as we thought it might be. Maybe we actually made a difference in this world, but then again maybe it was an illusion and we really didn’t do anything that special besides maybe working on the clock, raising kids, and working on the clock even longer. Let’s face it, we’ve lost this long board game, we put in everything we had, our lives,  and it’s just now we realize we’ve lost.
Here we are in a bed staring at those same florescent lights again, barley breathing. Our life flashes before our eyes. . . .
Back to every day except this one “The good old days”
when we were young and had all the time in the world and all the energy we could ever need, and soon after that to the teen years where we had less time but still a lot of energy, we soon became adults with no time and little energy, but here we are now with all the time once again and no energy to do anything about it. How could we be foolish enough to waste all this time alive but not have lived a single day of our lives. We wasted our health for money that we would spend on our health so that we could waste it even more. What did we contribute to our lives?

With a last breath we look back to that first day opening our eyes, we realize, we may have opened our eyes. . . . but not for a single day after that were we ever born, except for now. . . but it’s too late, and with that being said our eyes close shut.

Sia - Elastic Heart feat. Shia LaBeouf & Maddie Ziegler (Official Video)

One of the best Videos i've ever seen for a song.

wouldn't have been possible without The talent and Genius of Sia, Maddie Ziegler and Shia LaBeouf.

Hope - الأمل

Hope.
A sometimes distant beacon of light that’s out of reach, but we know it’s there. Having hope, most of the time means, having a reason, a somebody, that helps you carry on.

At times you feel hopeless, with the weight of the world on your shoulders, the pressure building up in your head, the despair filling your heart. You turn to the next best thing, Someone who cares about you. These people usually listen, and hold you, they cry when you cry and smile when you smile. Consider yourself lucky to have such a someone in your life Because those who don’t, what do they do?

They’re easily eaten alive by the darkness emitted by their lost hearts.
The worst feeling you could possibly have as a human being is the feeling of not having anything or anyone to turn to when everything goes wrong, That feeling of being lost is what drives people to depression and, at one point, recklessness.

Currently going through this feeling, I understand it’s not anger that contributes to the pain because I’m not angry at anyone, and it’s nobody's fault I’m going through what I am. However the feeling of despair is all I know. Slowly, We learn how to cope with this feeling. It’s not in our nature to stay in such a state without doing something about it, Pretending that it’s all going to be alright in the end is a possible solution for serious cases, but such a solution is delusional in nature and useless in the long run. What does that leave?

What is left exactly is to think thoroughly, because most of the time there is always hope, there is always a solution, Sometimes you just gotta dig deep and look in the right places, you’ll find something.

As for myself? I choose to let the darkness eat me alive, and drown in my sorrows, but I have not and I will not lose hope, no matter how small the reason, the chance, the opportunity, Because you gotta stand for you believe in and fight the pain, if you can do that, you might have just proven that your cause is worth it.

                          *********

V-XII-MMXIV Always here, Always waiting.

The Lover Inside

 

Beth takes notes as her English teacher babbles on about a critique form essay, concentrating on what is being explained, her hand slowly gains weight on the pencil. She feels lost in the barrage of words being thrown at her having just come back from a vacation.

Her trance is awoken by the snapping of the tip of her HB2 Pencil. “Shit.” she exclaims. As she’s startled.
she looks to her right and calls out to a familiar face. “Oii Pedro, do you have a sharpener I can borrow, Hombre.”  Jokingly in a Mexican accent.
Pedro Laughs and passes the Sharpener to Beth, whispering to her in a Hispanic charm.
Beth Smiles an remembers the first time she spoke to Pedro, after a few tries where she backed out, how could she forget, it was indeed a week ago.

Later in the Courtyard, Beth walks to chill with her new “Friends”, yes it was an ethnic/cultural cocktail. her group consisted of Pedro, Michael, and Anna.
Michael and Anna were from Germany and Russia respectively. Beth had her own way with every single one of them. Just like she addressed Pedro in a way that kept him amused and engaged in the conversation, she had that same technique with the rest of her friends and quickly became a people’s person; That one person that no matter how long you talk to they will make you feel better about yourself.

Months passed by and Beth truly believed that she had found the ticket to end all those past years of torment, By this point she had forgotten her horrible past, all she could wake up to was the thought of. “What am I going to do today.” The Beth she once knew was gone, she hadn’t painted in a month, hadn’t picked up her guitar in 2. She couldn't barley remember the last time she spent a weekend in with her family. Beth faded away slowly, a mirror arose in her place, taking what the people want and putting it all together.

One day Beth walks into her only class where she's with all  3 of her closest friends. As the session starts she tries to turn her head to anyone from her group. . . her head would not budge.
She tries to open her mouth and call out for Anna, maybe talk to her about the newest piece of gossip on campus. . . Her mouth would not open.
She tries to move in any way. . . Nothing. She’s paralyzed, Beth takes a better look at the board in front of her and realizes that it’s dripping a dark liquid. In seconds the whole room is black and she’s all alone except for a figure arising in front of her.

An exact copy of Beth is now standing in her face, dark seas fill the space of her eyes while the rest of her glows white.
She calls out for Beth. “Hello darling, where do you think you’re going”
Beth replies. “wh.. wha.. what do you want from me? Who are you!?”
The Entity replies “ I am Beth, the real Beth. you are nothing more than a fake copy, you lost the originality you were born with a long time ago. . . . but most importantly, you betrayed me”
Beth shakes with fear. “yes” Continues the entity “Your first true love, your most loyal, we suffered together in one another's arms, comforting each other down the road. . .but now it’s over”

“I must rid this world of you, for you are now a body with no purpose, Just a bag where people dumped their attractions, what good are you to yourself? ”

Beth’s eyes go blank, and she’s unavailable to her classroom. . . .

She gets up at the end, ignores every soul, and rushes home, works on rebuilding what was once herself.
"nothing like painting to some songs” Beth’s whispers with dark eyes flowing, the tortured screams of her corrupted self motivate her for the coming months of the Healing process.

 

Definitely one of my weirder short stories.
Inspired by a person who doesn’t know how great she is.
“If you don’t love yourself, how do you expect others to.”
I dedicate this to Zee.